I've mulled about making this post for some time now, but I feel that it is a relevant lesson I have learned, and one that can make me both a stronger (and better) athlete and person. On top of that, I need an outlet to dispose of these thoughts so that I can move onwards.
For the last several weeks I have felt a strong sense of disappointment. It sits at my core and reflects itself in everything I do. I can't pinpoint whether it is directed towards one individual in particular, or whether I am feeling disappointed in myself. This feeling has been eating away at me, from bringing out foul moods when I should be joyful, to reducing me to near tears and frustration while dealing with a flat tire. This is not how life should be- I should be soaking up every long run through the beautiful pacific northwest, and laughing at my inability to use a CO2 cartridge and subsequently hitch-hike home a greasy mess from Central Saanich. Disappointment is breeding negativity, and negativity is certainly not welcome here.
I have been confused, hurt, blindsided to say the least, and left with this consuming feeling. Am I disappointed in myself because I should have been smarter than that? Or am I pointing the finger at another? What I've realized now, and what the lesson is, is what does it even matter? Ok, you're disappointed and not yourself.... now what the hell are you going to to about it? I think that this applies to many athletes in the world of injury. We are so critical and demanding of our bodies that every little break and tear we immediately seek to blame ourselves. But we have to stop being so self-critical! Yes, something shitty happened... but as an athlete you are so much stronger than that one misstep, rise above and make that next game plan. What can you do to help yourself? This is as simple as fall down seven times, stand up eight. It may even be possible to find some valuable lesson from the situation, as disappointment isn't called the "salt" of life for no reason! Yes, in excess disappointment may burn like salt on a wound, but a little dash of it may prove to help keep us on track. Without disappointment and failure you never get to truly know what hard work is, or how sweet success can taste.
So what am I doing? Simply putting my head down and doing work. I plan on kicking this disappointment in the ass, and keeping my head positive when my mind begins to wander into self-doubt. Motivational mantras or even reflecting upon a few short things I am grateful for seem to be doing the trick. Above all, have courage, and be kind to yourself. No one ever said that running that extra mile was ever easy.
Thanks for reading